when will my reflection show who im inside.

whats there inside me.

29 April 2008

What's with me today..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

28th April 2008,

Camp was never a good one for me today..
Feeling so sick with my fucking flu..
And yet scolded for doing things you called me to do..
Was it really my fault to had followed your instruction..
Smoking was my pass time today..
Don't really count how many stick i had..
Each stick was with tears dropping down from my eyes..
Could not take it anymore..
I went to report sick..
Got myself light duty for 2 days..
With medication..
After my officer called, i received another call..
Which is from you..
Why the hell do you still call me..
You cried on the fucking phone while talking..
And all the talks about him..
What do you take me as..
I don't really know why i fucking pick up the called..
Too stupid of me tot was a call from camp..
But didn't realize it was your handphone number..
Calling you not to cry, but tears are forming in my eyes..
What is this..
I message Rachel, what she told me i think is really true..
Why should i even bother..
Hope you could keep your fucking tears to yourself..
Cos the moment i saw your blog is fucking different..
"Took a chair and went outside my store and sit there stone..
"Scenery was nice, sky was blue with patches of white clouds..
"birds chipping, insect crickling with some breeze.. oh my.. paradize. =)"
What a nice one..
Thanks again for that tears i had cried for..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After Camp went home change and look for nanda darling..
Had LJS for dinner..Thanks darling for the treats again..
Hope those things in your heart had clear off...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

26th April 2008

It was the most awful day JONATHAN ever had..
From that day on..
He knew and finally knows who are the people that can be called friend..
And what are the rest there for..
Putting up a show.. Or..
That day, just that day..
When Jonathan saw you..he pretended not to have..
At that time he was already not himself..
ShaDow [the evil one] had long went into him..
Seeing with his wide open eyes he just can't believed what he had saw..
Everything was so fake to be real..
Everything in jonathan/ShaDow mind was into pieces..
He got himself real drunk..
He tears and say that he's ok..
He got scolded and don't know what's the reason..
He must be at fault.. [cos shadow was in him]
The real friend was only the one standing beside him without leaving him..
Jonathan cant let ShaDow control him anymore..
And he choose to leave..
The only person who are still with him are still the same person who didn't leave him at all..
Without them, i don't think you would still have this chance to read my blog..
They're the one who stop me from crossing the roads with moving cars..
They followed me all the way to the bus stop..
Him & her even chased me from maxwell all the way..
Which really makes me feel real bad..
I'm sorry, really sorry for what i had done..
You all waited for my bus to come..
And i left alone..
I vomited in the bus.. i cried in the bus..
Nobody cares and people are just looking at me..
How i wish you was there with me..
But i knew you wouldn't be...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A special thanks to nanda darling..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think you had really stand a place in my heart..
You're the only girl who had really treated me as one..
You helped me to sign up my internet with your name [where i guess no one would]
You even lend me money to paid for the internet thingy [where not anyone would]
You brought food stuff for me to ease my hunger [where not even my mum did]
All this thingy you had done for me [by words it could never been say out]
The misunderstanding we had.. I really felt bad..
I'm really selfish..
I had never asked how you had feel.. How your days are [where a friend did]
I even ignored you for the call & sms..
I don't want to lose you..
I want to cherish you & treasure you for all i could..
I don't care how long we had know each other [is not the times that counts]
I want you to be by my side and i will be by your side for the longest we could..
Thanks nanda, forgive me for what i had really had done to hurts you..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And the hugs to you people..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rachel, Vanessa, Sheng, Jon, Eugenia, Kelvin, Kiro, Egbert baobei, Ryan...

Some of you i don't really know you all.. But i could tell from my hearts..
You people are part of my life too..
Without you all i don't think i would stand a place...

A person who is far away
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You say, you would never leave me..
And you never will..
And yet we're far apart from the world..
You asked me to live happy each day..
And you leave the rest of the day to me..
You asked me not to cry no matter what happened..
And you leave with such a rush one..
You say, you would build up my confident
And yet you're no where to be seen..
You say, you would always be behind me when i need you..
And when i turn around i saw no sight of you..
You say, i needed you most you would always be there for me..
When i most needed you, you're really far far apart from me..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you sending things to remind me of you..
Are you there beside me when i needed you most..

All the things i wrote is with the tears of JonaThan..

The Tears Of ShaDow That Kills

behind the mask Tuesday, April 29, 2008

>mirrored.

I WAS NEVER ONCE A HAPI BOY
EviL-ShaDow
15th Nov 1988
19yo
Mandai Hill Camp
Jonathanjame999@hotmail.com
About mi
I have selective memory loss
I have very bad short term memory
I am a "sudden arrival and departure
I am eccentric
I am impetuous
I love and desire for things that I cant have
I don’t know how to cherish things that I have
I have a big attitude problem
I live in confusion
I don’t know what I want in life
I have a split personality – as of always
My life is filled with confusion, blunders and scandals... I will have bad karma I know…
Love me for who i am, if not fuck off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

BY THE WAY IF U ALL FIND ANYTHING SUSPICION
IN ShaDow'S BLOG OR POST
DON'T SUSPECT
MAYBE YOUR'RE RIGHT
ShaDow IS NO LONGER THE ShaDow U ALL HAD SEEN
HE IS IN ANOTHER PATH OF
LIFE

>othermasks.

ShaDow-Memoirist

ElTon
Jolene
Kiro (baobao)
Eugene (baobao)
Fiona
joJo
Eugenia
Ryan
kelvin
Denise jie
Chun Hao
Adeline
Lai Ling
Camilla
Daniel
Kateshikikato
Serene
Sebastian Ho
Isaac
Briano
Rachel
Ben
Desmond (BaoBei)
WeiYing
Silver

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>wishlist.

FAster ORD

To find the real me
Learn to love myself before loving someone
Die before 30 - think i had live enough
If i were to die let me die with a tragic death -i know, i had done too much sins
Let me suffer once like how i did again
No more plastic and no more drama
There's no forever, so i just wish for a ever lasting relationships
To talk less & listen more
Never trust anyone whereby i don even trust myself
No more RealityShips
A message from you
Nothing gonna change my love for you
To have a chance to "mend" back
Slap me hard everytime when u see me, just to wake me up