when will my reflection show who im inside.

whats there inside me.

21 April 2008

Wake up!!!
~~~~~~~~~~
The night arrived..
As i remember, i went to bed..
Lying on the bed i fell asleep slowly..
Not long after, i hear a beep sound from my phone..
A message received.. By a unknown number..
Reading the message telling me it was you..
My smile light up the whole room..
Was thinking where you got my number from..
Anyway wont care much too..
Was really a big surprise..
You asked whether I'm free.. And yes of cos..
So in the end i took M.C ..So sweet of him to accompany me to the doctor..
And we went for lunch..
After lunch we went for movie..
Can't remember what movie it was..
I hold onto his hand.. Thinking that he would reject..
But he didn't..
The hands that brought me warm..
&
The smile that let me feel myself again..
After movie he sent me home..
He had his dinner over at my house..
Not long later a beep-ing tone sounds off..
It was my alarm.. Is 5.45a.m time to wake up for camp..
Everything was gone by the beep sounds..
How i wish i didn't on my alarm..
So that i could see him a little longer..
Before washing up..
My tears had already done the job..
Is really saddening to wake up and found out that it was just a dream..
All the way to camp, i was really in a daze..
Tears was just flowing in my eyes..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A painful day in camp
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The whole day in camp was thinking about the dreams i had..
I was not myself at all..
As usual i put my phone in my pocket..
But as for today i put it on the table next to me..
Waiting for message or call..
My sir saw my tears and asked what happened..
I told him, i'm too tired..
Continue doing my work..
Another sir saw my tears and asked what happened..
I told him the same reason..
After which i went over to the smoking point & smoked..
I tears.. -painful tears-
And this time both my officers saw..
And they asked again..
They let me be alone in another office..
So half of the day i was dreaming, thinking and tear-ing..
Is really painful..
And none of the message or call is from you..
And the stupid me still could tell myself..
He din even have my number & i din even had his number..
How the FUCK is he going to message me..
A foolish person like me still exist in the world..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every time while u all see me or hear me outside or in the phone..
You all would see a crazy me..
&
Hear the "nothing happened" voice..
True enough to tell you all, i'm not..
I'm fucking not OK!!
Because things had been pressing me down..
The pain that no one understand..
The tears that no one even bother..
I told you all that i'm ok..
Is because, i don't want you all to asked..
And once you all asked..
IT REALLY FUCKING IRRITANT ME..
That's simple enough i think..
Well there's nothing real in the world..
Even feeling can be cheated..

Just a sms or called will do..
A simple smile from you that warm my heart..
Just one last look and that's all i beg for..

Will it still be possible..
I don mind seeing you in my dreams..
I know it is not real..
Cos lying to yourself it might helped abit..
But most of the time it turn out so painfully..

One Last Time Will Do..
Please..
LOST SHADOW

That person turn out to be someone i had know less then 24 hour..
Am i stupid enough..?

behind the mask Monday, April 21, 2008

>mirrored.

I WAS NEVER ONCE A HAPI BOY
EviL-ShaDow
15th Nov 1988
19yo
Mandai Hill Camp
Jonathanjame999@hotmail.com
About mi
I have selective memory loss
I have very bad short term memory
I am a "sudden arrival and departure
I am eccentric
I am impetuous
I love and desire for things that I cant have
I don’t know how to cherish things that I have
I have a big attitude problem
I live in confusion
I don’t know what I want in life
I have a split personality – as of always
My life is filled with confusion, blunders and scandals... I will have bad karma I know…
Love me for who i am, if not fuck off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

BY THE WAY IF U ALL FIND ANYTHING SUSPICION
IN ShaDow'S BLOG OR POST
DON'T SUSPECT
MAYBE YOUR'RE RIGHT
ShaDow IS NO LONGER THE ShaDow U ALL HAD SEEN
HE IS IN ANOTHER PATH OF
LIFE

>othermasks.

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>wishlist.

FAster ORD

To find the real me
Learn to love myself before loving someone
Die before 30 - think i had live enough
If i were to die let me die with a tragic death -i know, i had done too much sins
Let me suffer once like how i did again
No more plastic and no more drama
There's no forever, so i just wish for a ever lasting relationships
To talk less & listen more
Never trust anyone whereby i don even trust myself
No more RealityShips
A message from you
Nothing gonna change my love for you
To have a chance to "mend" back
Slap me hard everytime when u see me, just to wake me up