when will my reflection show who im inside.

whats there inside me.

21 August 2007

Today upon waking up, i knew u was sleeping beside me..
Just right beside mi.. I could still remember how the way you hug me..
And you asked me to hug you tight too..
And i asked you this question, "will you leave me after sleeping with me."
You told me you won't leave me alone..
You told me you would hug me tight and make me yours..
And i will make you mine..
Tat was the sweetest love i had ever ever received from you..
My tears drop.. And i still remember looking into your eyes, you wipe off my tears..
You told me, you would never let me drop another single drop of tears..
I smiled at you and you smile at me..
I could still remember the smile on your face.. It was the sweetest one..
You called me to sleep a little longer more.. I doesn't wants to..
I'm afraid you might leave after i fallen asleep..
So i wanted to watch you sleep..
Slowly, slowly and slowly..I fallen asleep too..
You was holding me tight..
I really felt the love from you..
And i told god..I had found the one who love me and i love him lots..
Suddenly i felt the cold.. I tot he had leave..
But he didn't, he cover me with my blanket knowing that i'm feeling cold..
And i told him we could share the blanket together..
But he told me, is okie.. Cos he could felt the warm love from me..
He gave me a goodnight kiss.. After which i fallen asleep..
It was the best of the best night i ever had..
Middle of the night you woke up and went to the toilet..
I was awake by you.. And i can't get to sleep anymore..
You was trying talking to me and make me sleep..
But it didn't seems to work..
Somehow i'm feelin afraid and i hug you real tight..
You told me as long you were here there's nothing for me to be afraid of..
I smiles again..
You kissed on my lips.. Telling me how much you love me was not a lie..
Slowly you start to touch me all over...

-And the process of our making love began-

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I

I
The next morning..
I cried really really really hard..
I felt that i was been cheated..
I'm feeling really painful..
I

I

I

I
When i had open my eyes..
You were no longer beside me..
I was huggie on my pillow..
I burst out in tears real hard as if the people in the whole world had died..
Why do i cry so hard for..
Cos for all i know all along i had been huggie my pillow real hard..
And everything was just a dream..
Why even in my dreams, you still treated me so good..
In real life you treated me as good too..
But for what i know in both real life and dreams
you still leave me..

The day when u leave mi 15th july 2007 hurts mi most deeply
I wish u were here with mi

JonathaN™

I know i am not worthy

At times, i feel like a leaf
turning brown
and that's because i wasn't strong enough
and all I'm doing now is holding on tightly to you
not wanting to letting go
though i'm still breathing
though i'm still getting the sunlight
though i'm still drinking your water
i wish i was as green as i was first born
if i knew you would be down there catching me
i would have let myself go
but i'm not taking that risk
because even if i let go
i know You would not let go
God, please turn me into a new leaf
would you?
and please, dont let go...

Labels: I wont belived it anymore

behind the mask Tuesday, August 21, 2007

>mirrored.

I WAS NEVER ONCE A HAPI BOY
EviL-ShaDow
15th Nov 1988
19yo
Mandai Hill Camp
Jonathanjame999@hotmail.com
About mi
I have selective memory loss
I have very bad short term memory
I am a "sudden arrival and departure
I am eccentric
I am impetuous
I love and desire for things that I cant have
I don’t know how to cherish things that I have
I have a big attitude problem
I live in confusion
I don’t know what I want in life
I have a split personality – as of always
My life is filled with confusion, blunders and scandals... I will have bad karma I know…
Love me for who i am, if not fuck off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

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BY THE WAY IF U ALL FIND ANYTHING SUSPICION
IN ShaDow'S BLOG OR POST
DON'T SUSPECT
MAYBE YOUR'RE RIGHT
ShaDow IS NO LONGER THE ShaDow U ALL HAD SEEN
HE IS IN ANOTHER PATH OF
LIFE

>othermasks.

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>wishlist.

FAster ORD

To find the real me
Learn to love myself before loving someone
Die before 30 - think i had live enough
If i were to die let me die with a tragic death -i know, i had done too much sins
Let me suffer once like how i did again
No more plastic and no more drama
There's no forever, so i just wish for a ever lasting relationships
To talk less & listen more
Never trust anyone whereby i don even trust myself
No more RealityShips
A message from you
Nothing gonna change my love for you
To have a chance to "mend" back
Slap me hard everytime when u see me, just to wake me up